Disconnected Faith

Have you ever had an illness that left you feeling drained or hopeless? Your faith have been tried time after time with the disorder but you just couldn’t seem to shake it? Well here’s a story about me, when anxiety attacks. The dreadful word everyone seems to be afraid of or trending on topic nowdays- Anxiety. Scary word right? Well lets talk about it…
Anxiety: A mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one’s daily activities.
I was on the school bus one day, sitting with a friend when I first had this attack of “the enemy within”(as I call it). I fell into a deep sleep and I begin to have this awful dream about everyone that I loved, it was terrifying. When I finally woke, my friend asked me what was wrong; I began to sweat and I could not speak. This thing that was coming over me had me feeling like my teeth were falling out one by one and I began to be afraid of everything: my phone ringing, someone calling my name at home, going to sleep or having to go to school the next day. Everything that was my normal schedule bothered me. 
 I talked to my friends mom that I worked with at the time, explaining what was going on with me and she knew I was dealing with something because I was not acting like myself. I am so grateful for her praying for me and giving me the scripture “God has not given us the spirit of fear but of a sound mind”. I said that scripture over and over in my head whenever I began to feel afraid and just like that, the feeling was over.  
Here I am as an adult now, experiencing things I never thought I would go with; the good and the bad. I began to hide my feelings and bottle everything up and then I couldn’t take it any more I began to worry about everything, some things wasn’t even worth the time I spent thinking about it. Well here comes ugly anxiety creeping back up sending me to the emergency room. I was so worked up I could have had a heart attack. The doctors put me on medicine to take only during the times that I truly felt the need for them and to be honest I would rather just have the attacks because I hated the meds just as much.
Years down the line, I had kids, my own car, apartment, got married and just to think that all of this would make me feel so much better. Having kids and a husband was all a girl ever wanted. Right? There should be no worries, but life always has it twists and turns and sometimes slaps you in the face.   My husband, would often tell me “you don’t have anxiety” “it’s in your mind!” Until you believe that you don’t have it yourself you will always have it.”
Oh how dare he say such a thing to me, he didn’t understand how I felt how could he say that I did not have something. It was until he told me that I had no faith where it really made me upset. I began to cry as he left the room thinking to myself, “he has no right to tell me that I have no faith, I knew God I believed in his works..but did I really? I opened my bible and there it was right in front of my eyes, a scripture that talked about having just a small amount of faith big as a mustard seed.
Ok so I had no idea what a mustard seed looked like, thanks to google I searched. I stared at that picture for the longest crying. It was so tiny and to think on that’s all I needed this entire time? Just a little bit of faith? I had no explanation at the moment as to why I was crying but a calmness came over my spirit while looking at it. God knew exactly what I needed to hear, I began to hear my grandmother singing this old song she use to sing “Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith..you don’t need a hole lot, just use what you got.” 
With reading this scripture I felt as if God was reminding me that I didn’t trust him enough. I had no faith in him to shake this mental disorder. See I had to realize that with just a little bit of faith I can beat this, what I thought that was so bad was not really a mental disorder it was just a disconnect that I had with my faith. Until I surrendered fully to God,my body soon was back to normal physically and mentally. My faith has been reconnected with my savior and I have not had an attack for two years now and don’t plan on having one ever again. 
Suffragan Bishop Gerry Bivins once said in a sermon; “Put your foot on the devils neck and claim dominion over your life, situations, finances etc”  Do you have just enough faith to overcome these situations? All you need is just a little bit of faith. Try it out for yourself,today.